You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
