OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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