Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My hand turned me down
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
