She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I die, sorry about rent.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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