I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
