I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
