You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
