So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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