In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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