Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
