that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
