he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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