I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
