You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
