finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
