Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
