I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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