My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
