Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize