No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
