so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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