Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
