if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
