There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
