I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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