I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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