there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
