I love black thongs
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
