Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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