it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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