he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
