yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
