We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize