Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
