We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
