My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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