at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
