OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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