she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
