It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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