You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
