why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
