I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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