Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
