i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
