ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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