He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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