So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
