3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize