Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
