My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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