weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
