I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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