yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
