Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drake has all the answers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
