I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
