she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
God, I missed his penis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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