i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
