hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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