Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
