...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
