then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
