i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
