theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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