I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
