First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bring me that man meat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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