one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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