make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
