The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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