if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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