that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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