3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just threw up on my dentist
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
