my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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