i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have post one night stand depression
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
