haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
how does that bad decision feel?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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