after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
