remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
