the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
