I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
