I wish you could order shots online.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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