You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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