there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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